dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
then he tried to convert me to islam
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
