He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
