You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
