my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
