why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
