i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
