worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
