YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
