soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
