So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
