I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You need Xanax blowdarts
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
