I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
