Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Randomize
