I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
