that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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