I'm gonna have a badass scar
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You need a sexual gate keeper
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
