i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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