We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
