Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Everyone says I win the strip club
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
