Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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