Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
