Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
