so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
