I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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