I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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