at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
