I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
