He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He felt like a one man threesome
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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