Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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