i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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