the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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