when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
