Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
