I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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