i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
