i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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