This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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