I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
