"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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