i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
