I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
