Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
