Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
