Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
