I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The uberlube is also flammable
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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