I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
