hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
