idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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