Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
