I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
